Does He or She Regret Breaking Up With Me?

Regret is the revenge fantasy that wears a sad sweater. I know because at 1:33 a.m. I wanted his regret more than his return. I wanted him to sit somewhere badly lit and finally understand me.

Five of Cups came up and looked almost too cooperative. Yes, regret. Yes, spilled cups. But the card did not tell me whether regret would make him braver, and that was the only part that mattered.

Judgment felt like the phone call people imagine after a movie montage. I do not trust montages. They skip laundry, pride, and the part where someone says sorry but still does not know what to do next.

King of Cups made me think of controlled emotion. The kind that stays composed because expression would require responsibility. I have met that kind of calm. It looks mature until you need warmth from it.

Nine of Swords suggested he may have bad nights too. That should have comforted me. Instead it irritated me. If he is suffering, why am I still the only one doing paperwork for the damage?

I wrote: I do not want his regret as a trophy. Then I stared at the sentence and admitted I absolutely did, a little. Not proud. Just honest.

At 1:57 I remembered the time he apologized by buying coffee and never saying the actual words. I drank it anyway. That was my contribution to the problem.

If he regrets it, fine. But regret has to get dressed and leave the house. It has to become a sentence, a change, a repair. Otherwise it is just weather inside someone else's room.

I put the mug in the sink and did not rinse it.