How Does My Ex Truly Feel About How Things Ended?

I want to know how he feels about how it ended because the ending still lives in me like an unfinished sentence. 12:22 a.m., I was sitting on the edge of the bed with one earring still in.

Three of Swords was blunt. Good. I was tired of elegant confusion. The ending hurt. Mine, maybe his, probably both. But pain does not automatically make people honest. Sometimes it just makes them quieter.

The Moon made the ending blurry again. Did he feel guilty? Relieved? Angry? Did he replay it too? I hate that I can produce his inner life so fluently without his participation.

Six of Swords felt like someone leaving because staying had become too crowded. I thought of the last conversation, how we both spoke carefully, as if one wrong word would make the floor collapse.

Queen of Swords reminded me of the version of myself I tried to become afterward. Clean. Sharp. Above it. I lasted maybe two days before crying over a delivery address saved under his name.

I wrote what I know: it ended badly enough that my body still reacts. I do not know what he feels. I know what I felt when the elevator doors closed after him. My knees went soft. I pretended to check my bag.

Maybe he feels sad. Maybe defensive. Maybe he has rewritten the ending to protect himself. I have done that too. I made myself calmer in the retelling. Less pleading. Better lit.

At 1:09 I removed the one earring and put it beside the cards. It looked lonely, which annoyed me because now even jewelry had entered the metaphor.

I turned off the lamp but did not lie down yet.